Lissa: That was indeed very silly.

Gary: I know. I'm pretty sure there is not a single thing in that film which reflects anything about real vampires.

Lissa: Or real life.

Gary: It's kind of fun, though, with the demons and the garlic cola. Who makes garlic cola?

Lissa: Companies with very poor market research skills?

Gary: They made a fish sauce drink as well, didn't they?

Lissa: What were we just saying about this film and reality?

Gary: True. But you were laughing at it.

Lissa: Some of the dialogue is cute, and the window washing vampire hunter was fun. I liked Grunt the mute minion as well. He looked hard done by.

Gary: It's funny when he's miming over the telephone and the vampire on the end of the line knows what he's saying anyway.

Lissa: I liked the hippy vampires. They reminded me of you.

Gary: They were nothing like me.

Lissa: Bright shirts, don't like drinking blood, a bit hapless. Come on. They were a bit like you.

Gary: ... Maybe a bit.

Lissa: The whole thing is ridiculous and fun. The phrase 'inspired lunacy' springs to mind. And there's some good music on it, we should see if there's an album for your collection.

Gary: I liked the 'Vampire Girl' song.

Lissa: The vampire girls themselves made you a bit squeamish.

Gary: It wasn't really them, it was... [falls suddenly and completely silent].

Lissa: It was...? What? You've seen more nudity in True Blood, I know. Was it.... oh. The guy who didn't want to die a virgin.

Gary: ...

Lissa: oh...

Gary: ... there are worse things to miss out on before you die.

Lissa: Yes. Yes there are.

Gary: ....

Lissa: Like..um... and... [trails off] Belinda and Paul never got to do those things either. Grow up, graduate, fall in love, see the world. All those things. I'm sorry.

Gary: It's not your fault.

Lissa: I'm still sorry. Belinda and Paul are beyond caring about it now. I hate it that you missed all those things and that you know it. It's not fair.

Gary: It's just the way things happen. At least I got to have a best friend. I never thought I'd have that, but here you are.

Lissa: [hugs him fiercely for a second, then pulls back and gives him a slightly watery grin] You're pretty awesome, do you know that?

Gary: [puzzled] If you say so.

Lissa: I do.

Gary: Um. Okay then. [grins] So are you.

Lissa: That's right. We are the Awesome Twins.

Gary: We're not twins. We're not even the same age.

Lissa: Gary, some of the awesome is peeling off.

Gary: And that's a grammatically incorrect sentence. As you well know.

Lissa: And you shouldn't begin sentences with 'and' since you're being picky.

Gary: You just did it....

[Fade out to the sound of friendly bickering]

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*For newcomers, the GaryView is a review of books/films/TV/entertainment carried out as a conversation between Lissa Wilson (librarian) and Gary Hooper (vampire) , characters from my book 'The Opposite of Life'. Visit my website for more information.